A/N: I should have written and posted this a long time ago.  I originally posted it on my Tumblr, but I figured it needs to be here too.

Slut.  Nympho.  Homewrecker.  Everyone either hates or pities you.  One day in October of last year I woke up to the first of many such messages.  At first, I was confused.  In my year and a half at Rice I’d never met anyone who hated me.  I had met many people who liked me (and who I liked) and many people who simply tolerated me with what I’m going to go ahead and call a friendly and aloof attitude.  But I’d never met anyone who seemed to hate me with such fervor.  I thought it must surely be a mistake, someone drank too much and sent the wrong person a message, but as they kept coming I realized that this person was purposefully trying to harm me.

At the time, said person was still attaching their name to the messages.  I tried to reason with them, to ask why they were doing such a thing to me, with no result.  So I finally blocked them.  This was, I believe, in January.

In March I started to get public posts attacking me by name on a page called Rice Confessions.  Such posts are filtered by an admin through a third-party website before they are posted on the Facebook page, which made the whole thing even weirder.  I had found RC, decided I’d found a good waste of time, and commented on posts I found interesting or relevant to my own life.  The post accused me of “squatting” and “whoring out my friendship.”  It begged me to shut up and get a life.

A few days later, another post appeared, expressing joy that another person hated me as much as they did.  And all this without a blink from the admin.  I wasn’t the only target of such unmitigated hatred, either; just the most obvious.  I find it incredible that the admin of a page not affiliated with the university but using its name and picture should post such vicious attacks considering the amount of bad press universities have gotten in the past for similar cyberbullying.

Anyway, RC closed for the summer, so of course whoever was stalking me would have to find a different venue for harassment.  It turns out I have a blog hosted on the rice.edu domain which, at the time, allowed comments.  I wrote a post about my struggle with PTSD and depression, both serious medical illnesses, and closed with the sentiment that I was glad to be receiving appropriate treatment and, for the first time in a long time, I felt like things were getting better.  Nowhere did I mention being bullied.  The closest I ever got to that topic was discussing triggering events caused by my friends, but this is the comment I got:

have you ever wondered why out of the 100s of individuals in every location, setting, and social environment, you’re always the victim of both social and cyberbullying. granted that those people might be wrong, you on your own part also need to reflect on why it is always specifically you who gets picked on. maybe if you adjust the way you behave or conduct yourself in social situations, people might just find you less annoying and leave you alone. (adjusting your behavior and conduct is by no means being someone you’re not. you can still be yourself without being socially annoying or irritating. its call learning social skills) p.s i recommend you review all your facebook statuses and ask someone who is truly honest with you to explain to you why 75% of them is socially irritating and annoying.

Leaving such a comment on a blog post where the author has publicly and specifically explained that she has moderate to severe depression and PTSD made me think that this person isn’t playing games.  S/he is really out to hurt me.  Or maybe s/he does not understand the consequences of her actions.  What if I hadn’t been receiving appropriate treatment?  What if I didn’t have the many, many friends and supporters, both fellow students and faculty, that I have at Rice?  What if I had ended up dead because of this and become both a tragedy and a punchline?

Rice is an elite university with an acceptance rate that has hovered right around 20%.  Its courses are rigorous and its labs and offices have hosted some of the greatest minds of the 20th and 21st century.  In my two years here, I have become a scientist and writer in my own right.  So you see, I am not a timid middle-schooler getting pushed around at lunch time.  I am extremely accomplished and intelligent (otherwise I wouldn’t be here) and unfortunately, the person(s) who have decided to target me are as well.  There is no stereotypical cyberbully or victim.  Such activity is everywhere, and it is serious.

One of the messages I received claimed, “It isn’t cyberbullying if it’s true.”  I want everyone reading this to know that cyberbullying is never okay and is never the victim’s fault.  My only crime was to put my name on my opinions and for that I became a target.  Unfortunately, since my harassers haven’t made explicit threats or made me afraid for my physical well-being, the authorities can’t do anything.  It’s up to me to handle this unexpected notoriety that I did not ask for or want, and I want to handle it with intelligence, grace, and self-confidence, since I know that despite claims to the contrary I am not the only person who has ever been harassed online, not even at Rice.

I will close with this.  The number of suicides related to online bullying is too high, especially when most suicides are those of bright young people who could have had a long and successful life.  One of the common criticisms of cyberbullying-related suicides is, “If you’re too stupid to log off the computer, you deserve to die.”  But the human mind isn’t designed to easily forget, and words online can be just as harmful as those said in person.  Words are powerful.  I hope you use them well.